Just look at that guy. Look at him!
10:32 PM: Joe Kelly allowed a couple of baserunners, but it didn’t matter. The Cardinals take this one 9-1 in a rout and move to a division-leading 14-8 on the season. We’re 2-0 in live blog play, so we’re stubbornly going to take credit for at least a small portion of our favorite team’s success.
10:24 PM: Matt Holliday singled in another run, thus inciting Al to list every single Cardinal starter and their RBI total. Because that’s important. Ricky added that he likes how the Cardinal RBI totals are distributed so evenly throughout the lineup because “something something danger.” Allen Craig drove in two more, so now it’s 9-1 as we approach what surely should be the final Pirate at-bats.
10:13 PM: After a Jon Jay double, the Cardinals accidentally scored another run on a Pete Kozma infield hit that had some sort of weird, magical spin on it that only the grittiest and most hard-nosed players can impart. Ty Wigginton, whose name is most decidedly not Ty Wiggington, followed that up with a bloop single. I bet Pirate fans are pretty pumped about all this.
10:02 PM: Whew! Randy Choate induced a Pedro Alvarez double play to get out of that whole mess. Matt Carpenter bobbled the ball a bit and nearly caused a minor heart event in me, but in the end only three more Pirate hitters stand in the way of a 14-8 record.
9:56 PM: Something is most definitely wrong with Mitchell Boggs. He’s loaded the bases up in part thanks to a hit batter and a walk. Matheny is coming out to remove him in hopes of acquiring the two more outs the Cards need this inning.
9:47 PM: It’s still 5-1 as we head to the eighth. Let’s all hold our breath as Mitch Boggs enters the game and prepares not to betray his own team with another act of bullpen treachery. Lynn’s actual final line is as follows: 7 IP, ER, 2 H, 3 BB, 9 K. Yeah!
9:26 PM: Whoa! Lance Lynn very nearly took a ball in the FACE! Pirate retribution is a deadly thing.
9:25 PM: Scratch that thing about Lance Lynn’s line being final. He’s batting with Pete Kozma on first, so I’m going to assume he’ll be out to at least handle part of the seventh.
9:21 PM: Pedro Alvarez’s Cardinal torture tendencies continue, albeit just in the form a sac fly this time. It’s 5-1 now in the bottom of the sixth. Lance Lynn’s final line for the night is a nice one: 6 IP, ER, 2 H, 3 BB, 8 K and 97 pitches.
8:58 PM: Carlos Beltran‘s night of Pirate annihilation was not over yet, as he just drubbed a Jeanmar Gomez pitch into the night for his sixth bomb of the year. He’s now homered from both sides of the plate tonight and it’s 5-0 Cardinals. Extra bonus points to Beltran for that nice little bit of showmanship after clearly knowing that he’d gone deep.
8:52 PM: Lance Lynn danced (he may actually be too big to dance) out of trouble again in the fifth and now has eight strikeouts for his trouble. It’s still 3-0, but Lynn’s pitch count probably means he’s only got one more inning in him.
8:47 PM: Al: “One time this old guy did this thing and yelled this stuff back in 1938. Old people. Baseball in the old days. Old school.”
8:45 PM: Lance Lynn accidentally hit Sterling Marte for the second time and a second Pirate-related ejection has happened. HE ISN’T THROWING AT YOU ON PURPOSES, PIRATES. YOU’RE THE PIRATES! I mean is Bill Gates going to headbutt a homeless man?
8:41 PM: So Anibal Sanchez has 17 strikeouts through eight but has thrown 121 pitches. Any chance he gets run out there for a shot at tying the record? Jim Leyland isn’t aware pitch counts exist, so maybe.
8:19 PM: An Allen Craig single just scored Matt Holliday, so it’s 3-0 and Al has naturally shifted right into “[insert player] is a clutch RBI guy” mode.
8:16 PM: Al has slipped into mindless trivia mode, Dan seems to kind of hate it, and I’ve just realized that all three heads of Cerberus are announcing this game at the same time.
8:11 PM: The Cardinals are rolling right along despite the offense stopping to a dead halt. Lance Lynn has allowed a few baserunners, but he’s also struck out five Pirates including Andrew McCutchen to end the third with a runner on.
7:45 PM: Gomez was able to use a Yadi double play (we’re just as shocked as you are that he didn’t beat it out) and David Freese lineout (we’re just as shocked as you are it wasn’t a strikeout) to wriggle out of trouble. Still, it’s 2-0 and we’re feeling good. There’s a pretty good chance I’m going to eat a bagel.
7:36 PM: The already rickety Jonathan Sanchez train has been completely derailed, as the Cardinals followed up those back-to-back homers with a Matt Holliday single and an Allen Craig hit by pitch. Sanchez has been randomly ejected for that seemingly meaningless HBP, so in comes Jeanmar Gomez. Dan’s talking about how awesome the Pittsburgh bullpen is, as usual completely unaware that it’s April 26.
7:31 PM: Man, I just got done typing in regards to Marpenter’s blast when Carlos Beltran decided he might as well show off his right-handed power and deposit yet another baseball into the seats! That’s number five for Beltran and a 2-0 lead for the Cardinals. How about like eight more?!
7:29 PM: Matt Carpenter took care of the whole “tied at zero” thing in a hurry with a rather nice doom bomb to dead center field. We wholly support Marpenter and his high OBP ways in the leadoff slot; it’s a move Mike Matheny should be praised for and TLR would have likely never made (because speed!).
7:25 PM: News time: Matt Adams is on the DL with a severe case of awesomeness, so apparently Jermaine Curtis is now playing Major League Baseball. But hey, it’s all okay because Curtis is leading Memphis in hitting or something! And he’s only already 38!
7:20 PM: Dan and Al want you to blow your own head off if you look at numbers to make any baseball related decisions. Shame on you for being educated!
7:15 PM: We’re 1-0 during live blogging events, which means that we’re totally undefeated. The correlation one should draw from such a statistic is that there’s no way the Cardinals are losing tonight’s contest against the (once again) fast-starting Pirates. We’re just waiting for everyone to start ranting and raving about how this is the year the Pirates ought to be taken seriously. It isn’t. They’ll almost certainly finish a bit below .500 until they, you know, get better players. Never mind A.J. Burnett and his one million-per-nine strikeout rate.
Tonight’s game features the trimmed down Lance Lynn and his own impressive strikeout rate (it’s over 10/9!) against fallen lefty Jonathan Sanchez. Remember when Sanchez was a wild strikeout hurler with the potential to get much better? Well, it’s 2013 now, and it’s not happening. As I type this Ricky Horton is babbling about Lynn’s chance to become a four game winner. Ugh.