Jaime Garcia’s Shoulder Meets Its Inevitable End

May 23, 2013 No comments
Apparently duct tape doesn't actually work for everything.

Apparently duct tape doesn’t actually work for everything.

In a cruel twist of fate we all knew was coming, Jaime Garcia‘s shoulder has finally been murdered by a contingency of sadistic baseball gods who have clearly had it out for the left-hander for quite a while now. News hit yesterday that yet another solid Garcia season will be cut short, this time because the labrum in his left shoulder is apparently nearly halfway torn. The end result for Garcia this season is a 3.58 ERA, 3.70 FIP, 6.99 K/9 rate, and 2.44 BB/9 rate across 55 1/3 IP. You know, the usual dependable Kingslayer line when he isn’t reeling from some body part threatening to fall off.

This is obviously bad news, but it’s hardly something that the Cardinals–and their fans for that matter–didn’t see coming. Hell, the entire offseason left us all with far more questions than answers when it came to the left side of Garcia’s body; when everyone was panicking about who the Cardinals might choose to replace Kyle Lohse, we were already wondering aloud which young pitcher might be tabbed to replace Garcia. It’s hard to imagine Garcia coming back without diminishing returns after yet another long-term injury, and it’s even harder to imagine him ever being anything resembling a workhorse. (more…)

Milwaukee Brewers (17-24) at St. Louis Cardinals (27-15)

May 19, 2013 No comments

3:51 PM: And there it is, another win and another series victory! The Cardinals move to 28-15 and gain a game on the Reds, while the Brewers sink to 17-25. We’re now 3-0 in live blogging action, and if the streak continues we may have to consider doing this every day. Tomorrow’s game will feature the dazzling Shelby Miller against Jason Marquis, who is most certainly the exact opposite of dazzling. We’re feeling pretty good about it.

3:47 PM: Jay atoned for his out nicely with an impressive play coming in on a ball hit hard by Martin Maldonado. So I bought some Trix, and they’re not shaped like the fruit they taste like anymore! Everything is just a round unit of cereal! I’m kind of outraged. As I was typing this, Carlos Beltran went ahead and one-upped Jay with a better play in right. Two down. (more…)

How My Dad Introduced Me to Baseball

May 7, 2013 No comments
Here are my dad, my sister and I on Easter of 1992. We probably watched a Cardinal game later.

Here are my dad, my sister, and I on Easter of 1992. We probably watched a Cardinal game later.

Baseball and I have been irrevocably intertwined for two decades now, and my sometimes confounding passion for the sport has been a constant when maybe not everything else could be. Even as I sit here positioned only a couple of years from the point at which my age will feature a nasty “3″ at the beginning of it, turning on a Cardinal game or pouring over box scores still has a surprising restorative power when it comes to turning me around. I owe so much of that to my dad, and with today marking three years since his passing I find myself reflecting on a lot of things.

One of those things is my dad’s role in my long-standing tie to the game I love, and it seems appropriate I take a little bit of time to honor him here in a space that would have never existed without him. My dad spent plenty of time teaching me the ropes when it came to actually playing baseball, but without much in the way of athletic gifts on my end the lasting moments for me have always been in watching and learning about the sport as a spectator. Without all of those moments, I certainly wouldn’t have drained countless hours crafting posts about things like Bobby Witt‘s absurd walk rate or Adam Wainwright‘s contract extension. (more…)

2013 FSM Blooper Reel, Volume Three

May 6, 2013 No comments
Al's dark passenger has been dormant for years, but the evidence has never been easy to hide.

Al’s dark passenger has been dormant for years, but the evidence has never been easy to hide.

I’m going to go ahead and warn you now: the third edition of the StanGraphs FSM Blooper Reel is the darkest yet, a twisted tale of depravity and crooked fangs–it’s the stuff nightmares are made of. Decades from now you’ll sit your grandchildren down, take a big gulp of water from your hovercup, and tell them about the couple of weeks when Cardinal broadcaster Al Hrabosky went on a visceral tear through the psyches of his colleagues.

Needless to say, this edition of the Blooper Reel distinctly belongs to Mr. Hrabosky, as his breakneck heel turn represents the completion of a character arc that has been building for the better part of my life now. Sure, there were memorable moments from the rest of the cast as well, but it’s The Mad Hungarian’s chilling lines, all gruff and devoid of self-awareness, that will rattle between your ears for nights to come. Brace yourself. (more…)

Free Agent Signing: Roy Oswalt Joins Rockies, Has a Farm

May 3, 2013 No comments
That's Roy Oswalt's sexy face.

That’s Roy Oswalt’s sexy face.

Remember all that business about Roy Oswalt only wanting to pitch for a contender? Apparently all of that went right out the window just as soon as the aging hurler realized he wasn’t quite as in-demand as he was a couple of seasons ago, because Oswalt has signed a minor league deal with the Colorado Rockies. Sure, the Rockies are off to a surprising 17-11 start, but that isn’t enough to convince us–or anyone, really–that the Colorado squad can overcome its startling lack of pitching.

Oswalt will be able to earn in excess of $4 million if he finds a way to match whatever incentives are linked to his new contract. We’re not privy to exactly what those incentives entail, but one imagines he’ll need to go ahead and not be bad. As for Oswalt’s timetable for reaching the major league level, your guess is as good as ours. We’re pretty sure Oswalt will be enabled to move through his warm-up starts fairly quickly, however, as there’s only so much Jeff Francis any sane person can take. (more…)

The Bird’s Eye View: May 2-5

May 2, 2013 Comments: 3
Here is a Jason Tyner baseball card. You don't want it.

Here is a Jason Tyner baseball card. You don’t want it.

Part of our duties with the wonderful United Cardinal Bloggers group include periodically helping out with the Bird’s Eye View newsletter, an email update we send out to preview each series with the precision and wobbly wit we’re all known for/will be known for once we take the world by storm. What follows is the first StanGraphs entry, and it may include more information about Jason Tyner than you would have initially expected. If you want to subscribe (you totally do), just let us know. Do it. DO IT!

Bird’s Eye View: May 2-May 5, 2013 AD

You know what feels good? Like, um, really good? Taking two out of three from the Reds. Sure, we’re still in the toddler stages of the 2013 season, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t relish victories against Brandon Phillips when they happen. The Cardinals will now set their sights on the Milwaukee Brewers after briefly being permitted to play a few games at home for once. Jaime Garcia was totally pumped about it. (more…)

Pittsburgh Pirates (13-9) at St. Louis Cardinals (13-8)

April 26, 2013 No comments
Just look at that guy. Look at him!

Just look at that guy. Look at him!

10:32 PM: Joe Kelly allowed a couple of baserunners, but it didn’t matter. The Cardinals take this one 9-1 in a rout and move to a division-leading 14-8 on the season. We’re 2-0 in live blog play, so we’re stubbornly going to take credit for at least a small portion of our favorite team’s success.

10:24 PM: Matt Holliday singled in another run, thus inciting Al to list every single Cardinal starter and their RBI total. Because that’s important. Ricky added that he likes how the Cardinal RBI totals are distributed so evenly throughout the lineup because “something something danger.” Allen Craig drove in two more, so now it’s 9-1 as we approach what surely should be the final Pirate at-bats.

10:13 PM: After a Jon Jay double, the Cardinals accidentally scored another run on a Pete Kozma infield hit that had some sort of weird, magical spin on it that only the grittiest and most hard-nosed players can impart. Ty Wigginton, whose name is most decidedly not Ty Wiggington, followed that up with a bloop single. I bet Pirate fans are pretty pumped about all this.

10:02 PM: Whew! Randy Choate induced a Pedro Alvarez double play to get out of that whole mess. Matt Carpenter bobbled the ball a bit and nearly caused a minor heart event in me, but in the end only three more Pirate hitters stand in the way of a 14-8 record.

9:56 PM: Something is most definitely wrong with Mitchell Boggs. He’s loaded the bases up in part thanks to a hit batter and a walk. Matheny is coming out to remove him in hopes of acquiring the two more outs the Cards need this inning.

9:47 PM: It’s still 5-1 as we head to the eighth. Let’s all hold our breath as Mitch Boggs enters the game and prepares not to betray his own team with another act of bullpen treachery. Lynn’s actual final line is as follows: 7 IP, ER, 2 H, 3 BB, 9 K. Yeah!

9:26 PM: Whoa! Lance Lynn very nearly took a ball in the FACE! Pirate retribution is a deadly thing.

9:25 PM: Scratch that thing about Lance Lynn’s line being final. He’s batting with Pete Kozma on first, so I’m going to assume he’ll be out to at least handle part of the seventh.

9:21 PM: Pedro Alvarez’s Cardinal torture tendencies continue, albeit just in the form a sac fly this time. It’s 5-1 now in the bottom of the sixth. Lance Lynn’s final line for the night is a nice one: 6 IP, ER, 2 H, 3 BB, 8 K and 97 pitches.

8:58 PM: Carlos Beltran‘s night of Pirate annihilation was not over yet, as he just drubbed a Jeanmar Gomez pitch into the night for his sixth bomb of the year. He’s now homered from both sides of the plate tonight and it’s 5-0 Cardinals. Extra bonus points to Beltran for that nice little bit of showmanship after clearly knowing that he’d gone deep.

8:52 PM: Lance Lynn danced (he may actually be too big to dance) out of trouble again in the fifth and now has eight strikeouts for his trouble. It’s still 3-0, but Lynn’s pitch count probably means he’s only got one more inning in him.

8:47 PM: Al: “One time this old guy did this thing and yelled this stuff back in 1938. Old people. Baseball in the old days. Old school.”

8:45 PM: Lance Lynn accidentally hit Sterling Marte for the second time and a second Pirate-related ejection has happened. HE ISN’T THROWING AT YOU ON PURPOSES, PIRATES. YOU’RE THE PIRATES! I mean is Bill Gates going to headbutt a homeless man?

8:41 PM: So Anibal Sanchez has 17 strikeouts through eight but has thrown 121 pitches. Any chance he gets run out there for a shot at tying the record? Jim Leyland isn’t aware pitch counts exist, so maybe.

8:19 PM: An Allen Craig single just scored Matt Holliday, so it’s 3-0 and Al has naturally shifted right into “[insert player] is a clutch RBI guy” mode.

8:16 PM: Al has slipped into mindless trivia mode, Dan seems to kind of hate it, and I’ve just realized that all three heads of Cerberus are announcing this game at the same time.

8:11 PM: The Cardinals are rolling right along despite the offense stopping to a dead halt. Lance Lynn has allowed a few baserunners, but he’s also struck out five Pirates including Andrew McCutchen to end the third with a runner on.

7:45 PM: Gomez was able to use a Yadi double play (we’re just as shocked as you are that he didn’t beat it out) and David Freese lineout (we’re just as shocked as you are it wasn’t a strikeout) to wriggle out of trouble. Still, it’s 2-0 and we’re feeling good. There’s a pretty good chance I’m going to eat a bagel.

7:36 PM: The already rickety Jonathan Sanchez train has been completely derailed, as the Cardinals followed up those back-to-back homers with a Matt Holliday single and an Allen Craig hit by pitch. Sanchez has been randomly ejected for that seemingly meaningless HBP, so in comes Jeanmar Gomez. Dan’s talking about how awesome the Pittsburgh bullpen is, as usual completely unaware that it’s April 26.

7:31 PM: Man, I just got done typing in regards to Marpenter’s blast when Carlos Beltran decided he might as well show off his right-handed power and deposit yet another baseball into the seats! That’s number five for Beltran and a 2-0 lead for the Cardinals. How about like eight more?!

7:29 PM: Matt Carpenter took care of the whole “tied at zero” thing in a hurry with a rather nice doom bomb to dead center field. We wholly support Marpenter and his high OBP ways in the leadoff slot; it’s a move Mike Matheny should be praised for and TLR would have likely never made (because speed!).

7:25 PM: News time: Matt Adams is on the DL with a severe case of awesomeness, so apparently Jermaine Curtis is now playing Major League Baseball. But hey, it’s all okay because Curtis is leading Memphis in hitting or something! And he’s only already 38!

7:20 PM: Dan and Al want you to blow your own head off if you look at numbers to make any baseball related decisions. Shame on you for being educated!

7:15 PM: We’re 1-0 during live blogging events, which means that we’re totally undefeated. The correlation one should draw from such a statistic is that there’s no way the Cardinals are losing tonight’s contest against the (once again) fast-starting Pirates. We’re just waiting for everyone to start ranting and raving about how this is the year the Pirates ought to be taken seriously. It isn’t. They’ll almost certainly finish a bit below .500 until they, you know, get better players. Never mind A.J. Burnett and his one million-per-nine strikeout rate.

Tonight’s game features the trimmed down Lance Lynn and his own impressive strikeout rate (it’s over 10/9!) against fallen lefty Jonathan Sanchez. Remember when Sanchez was a wild strikeout hurler with the potential to get much better? Well, it’s 2013 now, and it’s not happening. As I type this Ricky Horton is babbling about Lynn’s chance to become a four game winner. Ugh.

The 2013 Cardinals Look Awfully Familiar

April 25, 2013 No comments
Allen Craig is still going to hit. The Cardinals are still going to win.

Allen Craig is still going to hit. The Cardinals are still going to win.

Remember the 2012 Cardinals? They were a talented bunch, a group loaded with impact bats who might not carry SportsCenter names, solid arms up and down the rotation, and a bullpen full of gunslingers who proved their worth down the stretch. They constantly alternated between looking like the best team in baseball and the worst, putting up a dozen runs one day and getting no-hit the next. The end result was a decent-enough 88 wins and a playoff berth made possible only by Bud Selig’s brand new adaptation of the NCAA’s “field of 64″ concept.

If you remember the 2012 Cardinals, you won’t have much difficulty acquainting yourself with what they’ve become a year later. That’s because this year’s edition of the Cardinals is very much like the last, and why shouldn’t it be? We’re looking at nearly the exact same players across the diamond. With the exception of both middle infield positions, Chris Carpenter‘s vacant rotation spot, and a couple of bullpen arms, this is a revisionist look at the team that posted such a stunning run differential just one year ago. (more…)

2013 FSM Blooper Reel, Week Two

April 22, 2013 No comments
"Sometimes I just toss Benjamins down from the Arch and let the peasants scramble."

“Sometimes I just toss Benjamins down from the Arch and let the peasants scramble.”

I’m back for another week of dissecting the wacky goings on during Fox Sports Midwest Cardinal broadcasts, and it’s every bit as bloody as it was last time around. You may have noticed (or you may have not; I have no idea how perceptive you are) that it took a bit longer this time around. That’s because we made a crucial internal decision to move this weekly feature to Mondays since that seems to make a whole lot more sense given the weekly nature of these posts. At any rate, rest assured you’ll be getting a handy recap of all the hijinks Dan, Al, and Ricky have to offer.

This past week Dan found himself playing the straight man to Al more than last time, which has to be considered a victory for everyone’s not favorite play-by-play man. I’m not totally surprised given that Al typically does everything in his considerable, fu manchu power to earn the “mad” in his “Mad Hungarian” nickname. Keep going beyond this paragraph and prepare to be amazed. (more…)

The Thrill of Victory

April 19, 2013 No comments
All of baseball had Boston's back after tragedy struck.

All of baseball had Boston’s back after tragedy struck.

I remember where I was that day. It was 3:15 p.m., and I had just walked into the bowling alley for my evening shift at work. I saw the television turned on to the news, and I saw the Murrah Building in Oklahoma City crumbled to the ground. I still don't know how I hadn't heard about the OKC bombing at school, but I spent the 45 minutes before work glued to the TV watching the coverage. I had no personal ties to the building, but in 16 short months Oklahoma City would be my new home, and I couldn't help but watch as my future city gathered downtown. It was April 19, 1995.

I remember where I was the next time too. I was at my parents’ house in Springfield, three months removed from losing my job and moving back home. I hadn’t been getting after it in my search for a new job, so it was not long after 8 a.m. when I crawled out of bed and saw my mom watching the coverage on the Today show. I didn’t look for a job that day. Like most of America, I sat and watched the city of New York covered in ashes and dust. It was September 11, 2001. (more…)

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