3:47 PM: Jay atoned for his out nicely with an impressive play coming in on a ball hit hard by Martin Maldonado. So I bought some Trix, and they’re not shaped like the fruit they taste like anymore! Everything is just a round unit of cereal! I’m kind of outraged. As I was typing this, Carlos Beltran went ahead and one-upped Jay with a better play in right. Two down.

3:44 PM: Jay popped up to left, so Edward Mujica will have to make do with a two-run lead. Let’s get this thing done!

3:42 PM: Yadier just got caught looking for the second out of the inning, so it’ll be two-on and two-out for Jon Jay. In happier news, the Reds just lost because the Great and Vaunted Aroldis Champman allowed back-to-back homers to the likes of Eric Kratz and Freddy Galvis. I might have laughed.

3:38 PM: The Cardinals are looking for a bit of insurance in the bottom of the eighth as Matt Holliday walked and Allen Craig singled pinch-runner Shane Robinson over to third. It really seems like Shane Robinson plays every day.

3:29 PM: Trevor Rosenthal had no trouble with the Brewers in the eighth, as he used his very fast fastball to get Gomez and Betancourt swinging. Three more outs to go!

3:15 PM: Bases loaded for Ryan Braun. Full count. DOUBLE PLAY, KIDS! Seth Maness once again dances out of trouble and it remains 4-2. My heart is beating a bit faster than it needs to be!

3:05 PM: David Freese fisted another ball to right but was thrown out trying to turn his hit into a double. This marks like the 19th time Norichika Aoki has thrown out a Cardinal runner from right field this season. Seriously, it’s getting old!

2:58 PM: Maness notched another rare whiff by sitting down Weeks, so it’s still 4-2 Cardinals. John Gast’s final line was just fine even if he deserved better: 5 1/3 IP, 2 ER, 4 H, 2 BB, 5 K.

2:55 PM: The Brewers have plated a couple of runs thanks to singles from Betancourt and Bianchi (why?!) after Maness managed to strike out Gomez. Rickie Weeks steps in as the possible go-ahead run.

2:50 PM: Braun hit into a fielder’s choice to third, so runners will be on the corners for Carlos Gomez with one out. Gast is out and Maness is in, so I’ll have to wait until after this inning to comment on Gast’s final line. Let’s hope it continues not to involve any runs scored.

2:47 PM: Back-to-back singles from Aoki and Segura have the Brewers in business and Seth Maness up in the bullpen. Ryan Braun’s up, so I’m appropriately scared.

2:30 PM: John Gast, more like John Gas! (cough) The Cardinal rookie just struck out the side!

2:25 PM: Matt Carpenter popped up to end the inning, but those four runs taste delicious. Kyle Lohse was totally just screaming at Jose Oquendo about something or other (his inability to hit? his height?), so maybe Dan and Ricky weren’t making something out of nothing for once.

2:24 PM: A shallow bunt from Gast nearly led to a double play, but Pistol Pete went into second super hard while Gasty showed off his wheels. According to the announcing crew, Kyle Lohse has been shooting nasty looks into the Cardinal dugout. Not entirely sure I believe that.

2:20 PM: I’m pretty sure this inning would make me puke if I was a Brewers fan A Pete Kozma squeeze (ew) brought in the fourth run and everyone was safe as a result. Gast will step in presumably looking to bunt.

2:18 PM: Runs! More runs! After getting to a two-strike count and making David Freese look terrible over and over again, Kyle Lohse gave up an opposite field single on a confused looking swing. It’s 3-0 now with Kozma up and runners on the corners. Where is Ryan Jackson?

2:15 PM: Well, that didn’t take long! Jay laced a ball down the first base line for a double and now it’s 2-0 with runners on second and third. Lord knows Yadi wasn’t scoring.

2:14 PM: Baseball! One pitch after an Allen Craig single, Yadier came through with a bleeder up the middle to make it 1-0 Cardinals. Two on and just one out for Jon Jay.

2:11 PM: So close! After a Beltran single, Matt Holliday destroyed a ball to right only to have Aoki track it down. It’s obviously a limited sample size, but in games I’ve seen Aoki play in he’s looked really good in the field.

2:07 PM: We’re headed to the bottom of the fourth and still scoreless. Neither pitcher has really even been in much trouble since Gast’s top of the first, though it should be noted that the Cardinal rookie committed the nearly unforgivable sin of walking Yuniesky Betancourt on four pitches last half-inning. Yuck. Beltran, Holliday, and Craig are coming up, so maybe they’ll get something going. On a side note, I think I just saw footage of WWE wrestler Chris Jericho throwing a pitch to Fredbird. My fever must be escalating.

1:45 PM: A Jon Jay single has the Cardinals in the hit column. Meanwhile Dan and Ricky are talking about people worrying about Michael Wacha being held down because of starting his service time clock. Does anyone really think that? I mean he’s performed well, but he isn’t missing bats at Triple-A yet.

1:27 PM: Whoa! A sweet Yadi fakeout confused the shit out of Norichika Aoki, and David Freese was able to run him down trying to score. Every day I love Yadi more. Did I mention the Cardinals are 2-0 during live StanGraphs blogs this season? No? Well they totally are.

1:25 PM: Gast allowed the first two runners to reach before inducing a loooong out from Ryan Braun and getting the randomly good Carlos Gomez to strike out. All that stands in his way now is Yuniesky Betancourt, who seriously hits in the middle of the order for the Brewers.

1:15 PM: Hi there! It’s time for a good ol’ fashioned Sunday live blog whether or not some sort of annoying Missouri Death Fever has taken hold of me. The Cardinals dropped a heartbreaker last night thanks to Jeff Bianchi (we guess), but things are still looking up. If there’s anything to be upset about it’s that Jaime Garcia’s inevitable shoulder-related DL stint has become a reality. Mitch Boggs will return (hopefully the 2012 version) to take his roster spot.

Today we’ll see John Gast, who himself is taking the place of an injured Jake Westbrook, take on Kyle Lohse in what is already his third start against his old team. Shelby Miller has already taken him down twice, and we’re hoping Gast can do the same. Anyone have any possible John Gast nicknames? I’m already sensing no one cares for John Gastric Bypass Surgery.

Here are my dad, my sister, and I on Easter of 1992. We probably watched a Cardinal game later.

Baseball and I have been irrevocably intertwined for two decades now, and my sometimes confounding passion for the sport has been a constant when maybe not everything else could be. Even as I sit here positioned only a couple of years from the point at which my age will feature a nasty “3″ at the beginning of it, turning on a Cardinal game or pouring over box scores still has a surprising restorative power when it comes to turning me around. I owe so much of that to my dad, and with today marking three years since his passing I find myself reflecting on a lot of things.

One of those things is my dad’s role in my long-standing tie to the game I love, and it seems appropriate I take a little bit of time to honor him here in a space that would have never existed without him. My dad spent plenty of time teaching me the ropes when it came to actually playing baseball, but without much in the way of athletic gifts on my end the lasting moments for me have always been in watching and learning about the sport as a spectator. Without all of those moments, I certainly wouldn’t have drained countless hours crafting posts about things like Bobby Witt‘s absurd walk rate or Adam Wainwright‘s contract extension.

For me, baseball began by watching games on TV with my dad. Seeing as how we’re talking about the early 1990s, you probably don’t need me to tell you that we had one of those bulbous-screened monster units complete with wood trim and the occasional need to hit it really hard. (Atop it sat two VCRs–one for standard purposes, and another to copy movies we rented from Blockbuster or the grocery store. My dad was totally the original pirate.) I remember splaying across the floor and asking all sorts of questions about players on both sides of the ball, Cardinals and opponents alike. It was through these sessions with my dad that Ken Griffey, Jr. became my favorite player, Luis Alicea got made fun of, and interim St. Louis manager Mike Jorgensen was formally added to my dad’s “shit list.”

Naturally, my childhood love of baseball blossomed into card collecting, something I’m sure has lost its universality with future generations of young fans but still rings true to me. After it was clear I was totally into the whole baseball thing, my dad unearthed a factory set of 1988 Topps cards he’d bought for me years earlier at Sam’s Club and we went through them talking about all of the players inside the box. Since plenty of them were out of the game by then or as-of-yet unknown to me, I had all sorts of questions. I asked if Candy Maldonado‘s real name was seriously Candy. Let the record show my dad had no idea.

I remember one night when my dad and I were going to a high school basketball tournament called the Tournament of Champions. We had plenty of time to kill before we needed to arrive at the arena, so we stopped in a multi-purpose store called Skaggs (later known as Osco Drug) to load up on candy and soda for the games we were about to watch. (There was no way in hell my dad was going to pay whatever amped-up prices the arena was sure to be asking.) As was pure ritual for about a five-year period, I found myself staring at the sports card aisle thinking about getting something with what money I’d accumulated helping mow the lawn. My dad saved me the trouble and wound up buying an entire 36-pack box. It seems like yesterday that we opened every single one together in the front seat of the family station wagon (an ’87 Plymouth Reliant!), stopping only to take a bite of a Snickers or a drink of Coke. I just had to be careful not to drink from the empty can with the cigarette ashes in it (again).

I don’t remember the first time I ever visited the second Busch Stadium, but I do remember plenty of other trips to the park. I remember going each and every June for father’s day with my dad, older brother, and younger sister. I remember Scott Hemond‘s lone season as the Cardinal backup catcher and how my dad refused to refer to him as anything but whatever his sub-.100 batting average was at the time. That guy wasn’t about to get called by his name. I remember having the privilege of seeing several Mark McGwire home runs during his record-setting 1998. I remember how my dad started to ask me questions about players and their stats. I remember him bragging to friends and fellow policemen about how I could recall just about anyone’s numbers from memory. Maybe that’s a big part of why I’m the way I am now.

I still loved playing baseball in our side yard, even if we had to use a tennis ball instead to prevent messing up the vinyl siding or breaking someone’s window. My dad was observant enough to recognize my true love of the sport stemmed from the experience and the numbers, though, and months after I turned 13 he got us into a fantasy baseball league with his friends so that we could co-manage a team. We never fared all that well, but I still obsess over fantasy baseball to this day. I remember getting up early and heading out to the garage with a soda to sit down across from my dad and analyze box scores in the Springfield News-Leader while he smoked his morning cigarette and occasionally plotted trades for Edgardo Alfonzo. (Hey, our second base situation was rough.) I had a huge columnar pad so I could track our team’s daily progress, and the whole thing was strangely more gratifying than it is in 2013. Simply heading to Yahoo! to check your league standings just isn’t the same.

And then a lot of things happened, and I couldn’t do anything to slow it all down, not even in retrospect. My parents divorced, and then they both remarried. I graduated high school, earned a scholarship, went to college, lost the scholarship, dropped out of college, went to college again, and then dropped out again. I started working, I got fired, I started working again. I learned to play guitar, I played in a band, and then I didn’t play in a band anymore. I got older, I got fatter, I started going gray, I got married. My dad got lung cancer, my dad did everything he could, my dad died. And now it’s been three more years. Life’s a tornado.

Time isn’t something anyone can even begin to hold on to; we all know that. But memories are, and aren’t they really all that’s left once the dust settles, once we go to sleep and wake up again the next day? Maybe a lot of things change, maybe we all struggle with what we lose and gain even on a daily basis, but thanks to my dad I have a lot to work with when it comes to erasing the red from the ledger. Thanks to my dad I not only have memories, but I have a pastime and hobby that can take me away from anything I want to escape and back to those summer evenings in front of that hideous TV in just a moment’s notice. So thank you, Dad. I’m pretty sure I never told you that, and I’m pretty sure I’ll always owe you more than just the $212 for that car payment.

Al’s dark passenger has been dormant for years, but the evidence has never been easy to hide.

I’m going to go ahead and warn you now: the third edition of the StanGraphs FSM Blooper Reel is the darkest yet, a twisted tale of depravity and crooked fangs–it’s the stuff nightmares are made of. Decades from now you’ll sit your grandchildren down, take a big gulp of water from your hovercup, and tell them about the couple of weeks when Cardinal broadcaster Al Hrabosky went on a visceral tear through the psyches of his colleagues.

Needless to say, this edition of the Blooper Reel distinctly belongs to Mr. Hrabosky, as his breakneck heel turn represents the completion of a character arc that has been building for the better part of my life now. Sure, there were memorable moments from the rest of the cast as well, but it’s The Mad Hungarian’s chilling lines, all gruff and devoid of self-awareness, that will rattle between your ears for nights to come. Brace yourself.

• Al Hrabosky’s internal fire begins to flicker when his cries for help are never answered. All Al Hrabosky ever wanted was a friend, and while he often mocks the conventions of social media, he has gone to the trouble to start his very own Twitter account. Sporadically, almost with no context whatsoever, Al blurted out “no one ever tweets at me” during a broadcast with Dan McLaughlin. It could have very well been this moment that sealed the fate of all involved.
  
• Al tries to stay strong, but gets jarred after a botched pronunciation of Michael Wacha‘s name. Sorry Al, it’s definitely not Walk-ta. Another failure leads Al further down a path from which he may never return.
• Al feels like no one hears him, knows he hates ever not getting to talk. In what was perhaps an attempt to bring a moment of humor to the broadcast, Al joked that he did not know what a library was and casually asked Ricky Horton if he could talk in such an establishment. When informed that he could not, Al coyly informed Ricky that he would have to find “another venue” to spend his free time.
• Al turns fully to the dark side in a heated moment of violent impulse. After a foul ball nearly struck the broadcasters in their booth, Dan McLaughlin laughingly joked about how he was in the booth with two major leaguers (Hrabosky and Jim Edmonds, who was not near a microphone) and neither made a move to catch the ball. McLaughlin added that it was the worst jump he ever saw Edmonds get on a ball. Perhaps scalded from the reawakening of a childhood trauma or the wounded pride associated with no longer being a professional athlete, Al launched into action. “A couple of left hooks from Jimmy will stop all this,” Al hissed insidiously. After a bit of laughter–and I imagine drawing closer to Dan’s chair–Al added, “if you get on top of him, Jimmy, I’ll help.” Rumor has it McLaughlin now requires a FSM security detail, and he hasn’t been sleeping quite as well of late.
• Al’s fury shifts to Jim Hayes, who probably needs to have his family relocated. After a long Cardinal home run, Al did a quick (well, as quick as Ramblin’ Al can be) run-through of how home runs are measured despite dissent from Ricky on how the process is conducted. After looking the process up and announcing that Al was correct, Jim Hayes jokingly added that he was shocked Al was right for once. Al let out a maniacal chuckle before quietly and candidly adding, “I hope you have insurance on your home.” From here, only God can help us.
• Pat Parris gets nude…or does he?! Moving away from Al Hrabosky’s serial killer tendencies–a plot thread that is almost certainly not over with–we move to the post game show. On this particular evening, Pat Parris decided to open with, “Happy No Pants Day! Stick around to see if we’re wearing any beneath the desk!” This is a query that was thankfully never resolved.
• Matt Holliday homers off Kyle Lohse, reassures himself that he totally went waaaay deep. After just obliterating a ball to center field off former teammate Kyle Lohse and getting interview duties after a win over the Brewers, Matt Holliday was informed that his blast was 458 feet. A quizzical look spread immediately over Holliday’s face before he, in genuine surprise, asked, “Is that all they gave that?” Jim Hayes, the interviewer whose home and family are in grave danger, then asked Holliday how far he thought the home run traveled. Holliday once again replied honestly: “I don’t know. A lot farther than that.”
• Ricky Horton does his best to undermine the work of Jeff Locke‘s parents. Jeff Locke, a little-known Pirate pitcher, was in the midst of an outstanding start against the Cardinals when Ricky Horton decided bitterly to announce that there was “nothing special” about Locke. Professionalism, thy name is the Fox Sports Midwest Cardinal broadcast team.

Despite a very sadistic bent overall, Al did provide us with a thought-provoking quote that may cause sexual imagery problems for many readers and listeners for years to come. Here’s our quote of the week:

Al: “That is a new rule. You can go to your mouth as long as you wipe it off afterwards.”

That’s Roy Oswalt’s sexy face.

Remember all that business about Roy Oswalt only wanting to pitch for a contender? Apparently all of that went right out the window just as soon as the aging hurler realized he wasn’t quite as in-demand as he was a couple of seasons ago, because Oswalt has signed a minor league deal with the Colorado Rockies. Sure, the Rockies are off to a surprising 17-11 start, but that isn’t enough to convince us–or anyone, really–that the Colorado squad can overcome its startling lack of pitching.

Oswalt will be able to earn in excess of $4 million if he finds a way to match whatever incentives are linked to his new contract. We’re not privy to exactly what those incentives entail, but one imagines he’ll need to go ahead and not be bad. As for Oswalt’s timetable for reaching the major league level, your guess is as good as ours. We’re pretty sure Oswalt will be enabled to move through his warm-up starts fairly quickly, however, as there’s only so much Jeff Francis any sane person can take.

Signing Oswalt could represent a positive choice for a team so deeply in need of someone, anyone who can throw a baseball. This won’t be vintage Roy Oswalt we see, though, as he had plenty of trouble holding down a rotation spot with the contending Rangers last summer and reportedly threw a bit of a hissy fit after being moved to the bullpen. If he was a younger player, we’d be hearing all about his makeup issues, but whatever.

Oswalt’s 2012 season was a weird one, as he wound up logging 59 innings with the Rangers and posting a 5.80 ERA. His indicative numbers looked better, as his FIP was 4.23 and his xFIP was 3.27. He also struck out 59 and walked just 11 over that span, but we’re not all that trusting when it comes to Oswalt’s recent peripherals. After all, he also allowed 79 hits in his 59 innings, and 11 of those went over the fence. If Oswalt’s biggest issue was his hitter-friendly home park, Coors Field isn’t going to do anything at all to help resolve that issue. Oswalt was also generally better in relief last season, a fact that makes him want nothing more than to angrily ride his tractor across countless fields of amber grain.

Here is a Jason Tyner baseball card. You don’t want it.

Part of our duties with the wonderful United Cardinal Bloggers group include periodically helping out with the Bird’s Eye View newsletter, an email update we send out to preview each series with the precision and wobbly wit we’re all known for/will be known for once we take the world by storm. What follows is the first StanGraphs entry, and it may include more information about Jason Tyner than you would have initially expected. If you want to subscribe (you totally do), just let us know. Do it. DO IT!

Bird’s Eye View: May 2-May 5, 2013 AD

You know what feels good? Like, um, really good? Taking two out of three from the Reds. Sure, we’re still in the toddler stages of the 2013 season, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t relish victories against Brandon Phillips when they happen. The Cardinals will now set their sights on the Milwaukee Brewers after briefly being permitted to play a few games at home for once. Jaime Garcia was totally pumped about it.

How We Got Here

The Cardinals enter their series with the Brewers, who we’re told don’t actually brew anything at all, with a comforting record of 16-11 despite having multiple bullpen members with an ERA approaching (or exceeding) an even dozen, Pete Kozma playing shortstop, and names like Allen Craig and David Freese flashing Jason Tyner-level power. Jason Tyner existed, and we won’t let you forget it. Technically he still exists, just not within the baseball universe that happens to be the only habitable environment we concern ourselves with.

The Brewers stand proudly at 14-12 (and 9-6 at home) thanks to a whole lot of streaking, and we don’t mean the kind that Jason Tyner might do if he were to take some unfortunate pitcher deep in a storied comeback attempt. The Brewers began the season 2-8 before rattling off nine straight wins to surge above .500, and they’ve gone 3-3 since. They’re very much a part of the NL Central race even if they don’t project to figure as prominently in the proceedings as the Cardinals and Reds do. Let’s look at this thing game-by-game, sparing no gory details and making no more Jason Tyner references.*

The Matchups

Game One, 5/2/13: Jake Westbrook hopes genie grants him at least one more additional wish as he takes on someone named Wily Peralta (7:10 PM CST).

There really isn’t a great explanation for just how successful Jake Westbrook has been this season, as he has walked as many as he’s fanned and owns a 3.64 FIP and 4.57 x FIP. Despite his relative mediocrity, Westbrook has the league’s finest ERA (0.98) and a fairly ridiculous ground ball rate. Wily Peralta’s first five starts in his second major league season have been pretty ugly thanks to a positively Westbrookian strikeout rate, though he does throw hard (his fastball has been averaging nearly 94 mph in ’13) and share a given name with the legendary Wily Mo Pena. This would be a nice jumping off point for the Cardinal offense to get going.

Game Two, 5/3/13: Shelby Miller looks to show us for the second time that letting Kyle Lohse go away was absolutely the right thing to do (7:10 PM CST).

The recently departed (but not dead, so don’t take it that way) Kyle Lohse and recently anointed king Shelby Miller have already squared off once this season, and it was a real barn burner. I don’t even know what that means. Lohse was very solid in his previous start against the Cardinals, going seven innings while striking out a pair, walking no one, and allowing two runs on six hits. Despite a successful homecoming, Lohse was bettered by the Shelbster; the youngster allowed just one hit across seven innings while striking out eight and matching Lohse’s zero walks. What a monster. The whiff-prone Brewers could be in for another long evening if Miller’s stuff is on.

Game Three, 5/4/13: Adam Wainwright leads all MLB pitchers in WAR, and he’s totally better than whatever Yovani Gallardo has become (3:05 PM CST).

There was a time not so long ago when Yovani Gallardo appeared to be an ace in the making, and instead he’s probably settled in as a solid two starter. Gallardo’s personal problems haven’t derailed him—he’s actually been better since his DUI arrest—but he isn’t the intimidating force he so recently appeared to be. As for Adam Wainwright, he’s making that five-year extension look like a bargain so far in 2013. Wainwright has been worth 2.1 WAR so far thanks to an insane 1.29 FIP and 2.03 ERA. Did I mention he’s struck out 43 and walked just three in 44 1/3 IP? Because I totally should have.

Game Four, 5/5/13: Jaime Garcia looks to overcome road struggles, Dan McLaughlin’s unbridled love of Marco Estrada (1:10 PM CST).

The Fox Sports Midwest crew sure does like to rave about Marco Estrada’s ascension to Decent Starting Pitcher, but we’re having none of it. Garcia may be in Milwaukee and not St. Louis (we know this because, um, geography), but he’s a solid bet to end up on the right side of the ledger here. Garcia has been outstanding so far this season, so outstanding that one might even be inclined to believe he has a real left shoulder.

*Jason Tyner’s career line: .275/.314/.323 with exactly one home run in 1,467 PA. It should also be noted that he managed to go deep only thrice as a minor leaguer in 3,905 PA. Jason Tyner probably couldn’t clear the fences in MLB: The Show.

Stuff You Might As Well Know

Per WAR, Matt Carpenter is the most valuable offensive Cardinals thus far! He’s logged a full win above replacement thanks to a healthy mix of doubles, walks, and solid defensive work.

It kind of sucks that Matt Adams is on the disabled list; I was totally getting used to the whole “homering all the time” thing and I’ll be happy when we can see that hulking mass swing the bat once again. It shouldn’t be too much longer.

Jake Westbrook technically has a 9.1% walk rate as a hitter. Not kidding. Yeah, it’s just 11 PA, but it’s still something I’m going to keep an eye on.

Edward Mujica is working on a fancy 100% strand rate. If you’re on base when he’s in a game, apparently you aren’t scoring.

Conversely, if you get to face Mitch Boggs, Joe Kelly, or the recently-demoted Mark Rzepczynski, you’re totally scoring. Like over and over again.

Meet the Author

Whatever it is you just read was written by Brian Vaughan, editor and author at StanGraphs.com. You can tweet at him at @vaughanbasepct, yell at him via posting comments at StanGraphs, or have lunch with him by paying for it.

Just look at that guy. Look at him!

10:32 PM: Joe Kelly allowed a couple of baserunners, but it didn’t matter. The Cardinals take this one 9-1 in a rout and move to a division-leading 14-8 on the season. We’re 2-0 in live blog play, so we’re stubbornly going to take credit for at least a small portion of our favorite team’s success.

10:24 PM: Matt Holliday singled in another run, thus inciting Al to list every single Cardinal starter and their RBI total. Because that’s important. Ricky added that he likes how the Cardinal RBI totals are distributed so evenly throughout the lineup because “something something danger.” Allen Craig drove in two more, so now it’s 9-1 as we approach what surely should be the final Pirate at-bats.

10:13 PM: After a Jon Jay double, the Cardinals accidentally scored another run on a Pete Kozma infield hit that had some sort of weird, magical spin on it that only the grittiest and most hard-nosed players can impart. Ty Wigginton, whose name is most decidedly not Ty Wiggington, followed that up with a bloop single. I bet Pirate fans are pretty pumped about all this.

10:02 PM: Whew! Randy Choate induced a Pedro Alvarez double play to get out of that whole mess. Matt Carpenter bobbled the ball a bit and nearly caused a minor heart event in me, but in the end only three more Pirate hitters stand in the way of a 14-8 record.

9:56 PM: Something is most definitely wrong with Mitchell Boggs. He’s loaded the bases up in part thanks to a hit batter and a walk. Matheny is coming out to remove him in hopes of acquiring the two more outs the Cards need this inning.

9:47 PM: It’s still 5-1 as we head to the eighth. Let’s all hold our breath as Mitch Boggs enters the game and prepares not to betray his own team with another act of bullpen treachery. Lynn’s actual final line is as follows: 7 IP, ER, 2 H, 3 BB, 9 K. Yeah!

9:26 PM: Whoa! Lance Lynn very nearly took a ball in the FACE! Pirate retribution is a deadly thing.

9:25 PM: Scratch that thing about Lance Lynn’s line being final. He’s batting with Pete Kozma on first, so I’m going to assume he’ll be out to at least handle part of the seventh.

9:21 PM: Pedro Alvarez’s Cardinal torture tendencies continue, albeit just in the form a sac fly this time. It’s 5-1 now in the bottom of the sixth. Lance Lynn’s final line for the night is a nice one: 6 IP, ER, 2 H, 3 BB, 8 K and 97 pitches.

8:58 PM: Carlos Beltran‘s night of Pirate annihilation was not over yet, as he just drubbed a Jeanmar Gomez pitch into the night for his sixth bomb of the year. He’s now homered from both sides of the plate tonight and it’s 5-0 Cardinals. Extra bonus points to Beltran for that nice little bit of showmanship after clearly knowing that he’d gone deep.

8:52 PM: Lance Lynn danced (he may actually be too big to dance) out of trouble again in the fifth and now has eight strikeouts for his trouble. It’s still 3-0, but Lynn’s pitch count probably means he’s only got one more inning in him.

8:47 PM: Al: “One time this old guy did this thing and yelled this stuff back in 1938. Old people. Baseball in the old days. Old school.”

8:45 PM: Lance Lynn accidentally hit Sterling Marte for the second time and a second Pirate-related ejection has happened. HE ISN’T THROWING AT YOU ON PURPOSES, PIRATES. YOU’RE THE PIRATES! I mean is Bill Gates going to headbutt a homeless man?

8:41 PM: So Anibal Sanchez has 17 strikeouts through eight but has thrown 121 pitches. Any chance he gets run out there for a shot at tying the record? Jim Leyland isn’t aware pitch counts exist, so maybe.

8:19 PM: An Allen Craig single just scored Matt Holliday, so it’s 3-0 and Al has naturally shifted right into “[insert player] is a clutch RBI guy” mode.

8:16 PM: Al has slipped into mindless trivia mode, Dan seems to kind of hate it, and I’ve just realized that all three heads of Cerberus are announcing this game at the same time.

8:11 PM: The Cardinals are rolling right along despite the offense stopping to a dead halt. Lance Lynn has allowed a few baserunners, but he’s also struck out five Pirates including Andrew McCutchen to end the third with a runner on.

7:45 PM: Gomez was able to use a Yadi double play (we’re just as shocked as you are that he didn’t beat it out) and David Freese lineout (we’re just as shocked as you are it wasn’t a strikeout) to wriggle out of trouble. Still, it’s 2-0 and we’re feeling good. There’s a pretty good chance I’m going to eat a bagel.

7:36 PM: The already rickety Jonathan Sanchez train has been completely derailed, as the Cardinals followed up those back-to-back homers with a Matt Holliday single and an Allen Craig hit by pitch. Sanchez has been randomly ejected for that seemingly meaningless HBP, so in comes Jeanmar Gomez. Dan’s talking about how awesome the Pittsburgh bullpen is, as usual completely unaware that it’s April 26.

7:31 PM: Man, I just got done typing in regards to Marpenter’s blast when Carlos Beltran decided he might as well show off his right-handed power and deposit yet another baseball into the seats! That’s number five for Beltran and a 2-0 lead for the Cardinals. How about like eight more?!

7:29 PM: Matt Carpenter took care of the whole “tied at zero” thing in a hurry with a rather nice doom bomb to dead center field. We wholly support Marpenter and his high OBP ways in the leadoff slot; it’s a move Mike Matheny should be praised for and TLR would have likely never made (because speed!).

7:25 PM: News time: Matt Adams is on the DL with a severe case of awesomeness, so apparently Jermaine Curtis is now playing Major League Baseball. But hey, it’s all okay because Curtis is leading Memphis in hitting or something! And he’s only already 38!

7:20 PM: Dan and Al want you to blow your own head off if you look at numbers to make any baseball related decisions. Shame on you for being educated!

7:15 PM: We’re 1-0 during live blogging events, which means that we’re totally undefeated. The correlation one should draw from such a statistic is that there’s no way the Cardinals are losing tonight’s contest against the (once again) fast-starting Pirates. We’re just waiting for everyone to start ranting and raving about how this is the year the Pirates ought to be taken seriously. It isn’t. They’ll almost certainly finish a bit below .500 until they, you know, get better players. Never mind A.J. Burnett and his one million-per-nine strikeout rate.

Tonight’s game features the trimmed down Lance Lynn and his own impressive strikeout rate (it’s over 10/9!) against fallen lefty Jonathan Sanchez. Remember when Sanchez was a wild strikeout hurler with the potential to get much better? Well, it’s 2013 now, and it’s not happening. As I type this Ricky Horton is babbling about Lynn’s chance to become a four game winner. Ugh.

Allen Craig is still going to hit. The Cardinals are still going to win.

Remember the 2012 Cardinals? They were a talented bunch, a group loaded with impact bats who might not carry SportsCenter names, solid arms up and down the rotation, and a bullpen full of gunslingers who proved their worth down the stretch. They constantly alternated between looking like the best team in baseball and the worst, putting up a dozen runs one day and getting no-hit the next. The end result was a decent-enough 88 wins and a playoff berth made possible only by Bud Selig’s brand new adaptation of the NCAA’s “field of 64″ concept.

If you remember the 2012 Cardinals, you won’t have much difficulty acquainting yourself with what they’ve become a year later. That’s because this year’s edition of the Cardinals is very much like the last, and why shouldn’t it be? We’re looking at nearly the exact same players across the diamond. With the exception of both middle infield positions, Chris Carpenter‘s vacant rotation spot, and a couple of bullpen arms, this is a revisionist look at the team that posted such a stunning run differential just one year ago.

I guess this is my roundabout way of saying we’d probably be remiss in expecting a whole lot better from the team than we got last season. I’m certainly not complaining–the Cardinals will be right in the playoff mix and likely grab a spot once again–but I also think it’s important to understand what we’re looking at here. This is one of the best run organizations in the game with a deep farm system, and things will only get better, but there are problems worth discussing that exist on the 2013 roster.

Spencer has already astutely pointed this out, but it bears repeating: with perhaps only the exception of Matt Holliday, no player who contributed to the 2012 offensive juggernaut can reasonably be expected to better his performance a year ago. Yadier Molina has truly developed as a hitter, but it’s a lot safer to assume he inhabits the range of performance he did in 2011 (.814 OPS) rather than 2012. David Freese seems to need more and more rest, and when he’s in the lineup he’s flailing a bit. Allen Craig‘s swing has looked better of late, and he’ll be productive, but he may not be 2012-level productive. Oh, and if you’re expecting Pete Kozma‘s late-season rampage to continue, I think you already have your grisly answer.

We’re seeing an eerily similar bullpen scenario in 2013 as well. Mitch Boggs and Joe Kelly have looked quite prone to leaving their mid-90s fastballs right out over the plate where major league hitters can pulverize them, Fernando Salas‘s track record never suggested what he did in 2011, and even the mighty Trevor Rosenthal has been victimized by BABIP woes in the early going. Is the answer to make a trade for a reliever? I don’t think so. Remember: most of us thought this was a talented young group of relievers three weeks ago. Should we really be changing our assumptions with 141 games left? The bullpen shaped up last season, and this season’s version is a better one without Victor Marte and his bone marrow slurping ways.

If there’s one definitive upgrade offensively, it’s having Matt Carpenter man second. Carpenter has consistently shown he has the gap power and batting eye we all thought he did, and he’ll be an asset so long as he continues to learn the position. At any rate, he’s got a much better bat than Daniel Descalso and the memory of Skip Schumaker, and he looks a lot less like an incorrectly programmed robot than Schumaker did while fielding his position. Still, the offense is probably going to lose a step from its career year-laden 2012 campaign. There’s still plenty of room to make up the difference and then some: I present to you the starting rotation!

I know the rotation has performed out of its mind so far, but we should still be prepared for last season’s good results to get even better. Adam Wainwright won’t have to deal with an ugly, post-surgery start (that 37-to-1 K:BB ratio is a pretty solid indicator of that), Jaime Garcia has looked good and will hopefully make a full season’s worth of starts, and Lance Lynn ideally won’t have to worry about temporarily losing his rotation spot. Then there’s the matter of Shelby Miller, who has looked incredible in his first few starts and may wind up being the second best starter in the rotation once the dust has settled at the end of the season. Miller’s first four starts have featured a 9.36 K/9 rate, 2.52 BB/9 rate, and a 2.41 FIP. Obviously it’s early, but the fastball velocity is up and the batters are getting mowed down.

As baseball fans, we’re obviously going to want things to get better even if our favorite team is off to a solid 13-8 start. After all, our minds are going to be littered with questions about what that record would be with a better effort from the bullpen or effective at-bats from Freese and Craig. The important thing is just to be patient; it’s been a while since the Cardinal organization gave us a reason to be anything but. The  bullpen is far too talented to flounder like this forever, the rotation can pick up the slack, and the offense will hit even if it’s at a clip slightly shy of 2012. This is a very good baseball team that could win its division with a little good (or normal) fortune. You know, kind of like last year’s group.

“Sometimes I just toss Benjamins down from the Arch and let the peasants scramble.”

I’m back for another week of dissecting the wacky goings on during Fox Sports Midwest Cardinal broadcasts, and it’s every bit as bloody as it was last time around. You may have noticed (or you may have not; I have no idea how perceptive you are) that it took a bit longer this time around. That’s because we made a crucial internal decision to move this weekly feature to Mondays since that seems to make a whole lot more sense given the weekly nature of these posts. At any rate, rest assured you’ll be getting a handy recap of all the hijinks Dan, Al, and Ricky have to offer.

This past week Dan found himself playing the straight man to Al more than last time, which has to be considered a victory for everyone’s not favorite play-by-play man. I’m not totally surprised given that Al typically does everything in his considerable, fu manchu power to earn the “mad” in his “Mad Hungarian” nickname. Keep going beyond this paragraph and prepare to be amazed.

• Ricky Horton‘s opinion of pitching peripherals probably has a lot to do with his own mediocre results. While facing the Brewers, Ricky and Dan started discussing Marco Estrada‘s strikeout to walk ratio, This exchange led to Dan asking Ricky what he considered to be a good ratio for a good major league starter. Ricky’s answer? Two strikeouts for every walk. Sure, that’s decent, but I think we can all agree the bar needs to be set a bit higher. I mean nobody would exactly be giving a shit about Justin Verlander if he only managed to strike out double the men he walked.
  
• Ricky’s pretty sure bullpen performance is the foundation on which all success rests. This one also came during the Brewers series. Ricky was babbling about how his hair is super blond and his voice is too nasally when he revealed that the Brewers offense was really struggling. He then paused and took on a more serious tone before informing us that the bullpen was also struggling, and that’s an even bigger problem. Aside from bullpens obviously not mattering as much as entire offenses, that kind of comes across like the pot calling the kettle terrible when it comes to the recent bullpen escapades of the Cardinal team he covers.
• You may think you’re doing well, but it’s not like you have Hrabosky cash or anything. Dan brought up an upcoming promotion in which the Cardinals would be giving away 2006 World Series replica rings again due to the popularity of the promotion. Al then began one of his two hour digressions into the ring set offered on the St. Louis Post-Dispatch web site before informing the audience that he had purchased three such sets recently. One of these was for his personal use (ew) and two were to be distributed as gifts as he sees fit. Al then began describing the rings and just how majestic they were before then banging his golden staff against the throne room floor, standing up, and reminding everyone that these sets are a great collector’s item for “those who can afford them.” We’re all but dirt on Al Hrabosky‘s omniscient shoes. Seriously, how much could Al even make? More than you, apparently.
• Al’s broadcast boner for Pete Kozma knows no bounds (or math). I’m just going to throw this one out there without any explanation. Al: “Kozma has now started in 13 of 14 games and has started in nine of those 12.” Perhaps Al’s Gatesian wealth can afford him a textbook or something.

It’s once again time for our quote of the week, and it comes from Al after an admittedly pointless statement by Dan. Here we go!

Dan: “Edward Mujica has only four career saves and the Cardinals are asking him to get the save tonight.”

Al: “Mariano Rivera had no saves at one point. That’s what you have to think about.”

Is it, Al? Is it?

All of baseball had Boston’s back after tragedy struck.

I remember where I was that day. It was 3:15 p.m., and I had just walked into the bowling alley for my evening shift at work. I saw the television turned on to the news, and I saw the Murrah Building in Oklahoma City crumbled to the ground. I still don't know how I hadn't heard about the OKC bombing at school, but I spent the 45 minutes before work glued to the TV watching the coverage. I had no personal ties to the building, but in 16 short months Oklahoma City would be my new home, and I couldn't help but watch as my future city gathered downtown. It was April 19, 1995.

I remember where I was the next time too. I was at my parents’ house in Springfield, three months removed from losing my job and moving back home. I hadn’t been getting after it in my search for a new job, so it was not long after 8 a.m. when I crawled out of bed and saw my mom watching the coverage on the Today show. I didn’t look for a job that day. Like most of America, I sat and watched the city of New York covered in ashes and dust. It was September 11, 2001.

And I remember where I was on Monday. It was early afternoon, and I saw “#prayforboston” showing up all over my Twitter feed. My gut told me something was wrong, and a quick navigation to MSN confirmed my suspicions. At the finish line of one of the world’s greatest sporting events, somebody left two backpacks with crude bombs that destroyed city blocks and changed lives.

Earlier this week, the city of Boston suffered great loss, and America suffered with them. No sooner had disaster struck than Boston Marathon volunteers, race participants and people on the street jumped in to help people injured as a result of the bombs. Within a blink of an eye, tragedy was trumped by the power of the American spirit.

In moments like these, Americans are searching for something — anything — that will restore a sense of normalcy to the surroundings. And that’s where sporting events come into play. When the world changes, our favorite teams still find a way to make things easier. Games don’t take the pain away, but for a moment it suspends that pain into a state where fans can be fans and a city can rally around their favorite team for three hours.

I truly believe that for all the New Yorkers who remember the events of 9/11, many of them also remember the Mets-Braves game on September 21. That was the first Mets game in New York City after the World Trade Center attacks. In the bottom of the 8th, Mike Piazza hit a solo home run to give the Mets the lead for good. That moment served to help the healing process in New York. Even though all of this horror surrounded the city, that at-bat and that win helped New York feel like everything was going to be okay again.

That same feeling came back Tuesday night in the Boston Red Sox game against the Cleveland Indians. It wasn’t a comeback win, but the Sox put seven runs up in the second inning in a total domination of the Indians. Despite the fact that Boston was on the road, the victory helped restore positive feelings in the city. Even more amazing was the support of teams across the Major Leagues, playing “Sweet Caroline” and the “Cheers” theme song in support of the Sox. Yes, even the Yankees, Boston’s most hated rival, stood next to their arch enemies in support. In that moment, rivalries meant nothing. Unity meant everything.

News articles, sports magazines and television specials have expounded on the healing power of sports in situations like these. There is very little I could say to add value to that. But how grateful should we be to know that, even in times of great trial and tribulation, there is still something in which we can take comfort. We know that our favorite teams and our favorite athletes will still be there, waving the banner of victory, not just for their team but for the country.

God bless the city of Boston … and God bless America.

Seriously?

Dear Carlos Quentin–

I know you’re going to read this and think nothing more than that it’s a loyal Dodger fan bitter at the loss of one of his team’s top pitchers. And in some ways you’re right. You can’t imagine the anger I felt as I read tweet after tweet and seeing picture upon picture of the rage you felt after getting beaned by a Zack Greinke fastball.

But here’s the deal: I kind of get it. Don’t get me wrong, because I don’t condone it. In fact, I think it’s utter lunacy that you would charge the mound and tackle a pitcher because of a fast one in the shoulder. But let’s face it — the guy’s hit you now three times. You have a “history,” as they say. It’s a thing. I totally get it.

You know, when I watched the video this morning of the fight, I noticed you just took a couple of steps toward him before you went crazy on him. I guess he said something to you, or he said something to himself that you thought he said to you, and it spun your head. But I wish you had just taken a couple more steps to think about what you were preparing to do. It might have made a huge difference.

I mean, did you even look at the scoreboard? It was a 2-1 game, with no outs. The count was full. Do you honestly believe he would have purposefully hit you with a full count? On your third at bat? And it’s not like you had done anything worth discussing before then. Heck, you were 0-2 with a groundout and a strikeout. He wasn’t mad at you for hitting a bomb and flipping the bat.

So why, Carlos? I know I sound like Matt Kemp in the parking tunnel, but why would you seriously think it was a purpose pitch? Because four years ago he did it to you, and now he’s doing it again? Have you seen the list of pitchers who have hit you? (Jon Weisman has it on Twitter, if you want to check it out). Dude, every pitcher has hit you, and most at least twice!David Price has hit you twice. I’d love to see you go after that guy. Erik Bedard has hit you three times. Granted, nobody on the field ever has any clue where his pitch is going, so I get that. Hell, Nick Blackburn has hit you four times! Four! And you’re going after Greinke? It makes no sense, man.

And besides, you lead the majors in being hit since 2008! Craig Freaking Biggio thinks you get hit by pitches too much! I know you like to crowd the plate and all, but you can’t get all whiny when a pitcher puts one in your shoulder. By the way, if you’re going to wear a fastball, you pretty much took it in the right place. I might even be able to take one in the shoulder, and I’m a wuss.

But Carlos, you can’t get all bent out of shape about HBPs when that’s a huge part of your game! I did some rudimentary mathematics, and if we took all of those HBPs and turned them into outs, your average since 2008 would go from .246 (eww) to .235 (double eww). And your OBP … oh, your precious OBP would drop from .354 to .312. So basically, if you intend to get on base, you have to hope somebody nails you.

So Greinke nails you, and instead of taking first like a man, you throw a hissy and tackle the guy. Wait … you didn’t even tackle him. I think A.J. Ellis tackled you and you grabbed a hold of Greinke’s pants and hung on for dear life. But either way, you put the guy out for a few months. I hope you’re proud of yourself, and judging from your postgame interviews, it sounds like you are.

I’m sure your teammates are proud of you too. I mean, with Chase Headley on the shelf with an injury, and Yasmani Grandal on suspension, you might be the best offensive threat on the team (you know, with that awesome .246 average of yours). And now you’re probably getting suspended. Your team is hurting right now, and they need your leadership. And you … well, you got mad, threw a fit, and now you’re gone for a while. And that sucks.

In fact, that’s probably what sucks the most about the whole thing. It’s more fun to watch a baseball game in which the team’s best players are on the field. Last night was a great game until the sixth inning. Now, Dodgers fans are going to have to watch Chris Capuano or *shudder* Ted Lilly instead of Greinke. And Padres fans will watch … Jesus Guzman? Sorry, that’s not an upgrade.

It really is unfortunate, as you said yourself after the game. And you’re right — it could have been avoided. But not because Zack hit you. It could have been avoided if you’d just taken two more walking steps and thought about everything around you. I sincerely hope you do that next time you get hit. Please.

Sincerely,

Bryan Smith, Dodger fan